I Drive Myself Crazy
by indigobutterflyz
Summary: A Larry/Ally Videofic


**_"I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY"_**

By Indigo Butterflyz

November 2001

**_Disclaimer:_**   I don't own the band/song/lyrics.  Nor do I own the characters featured (because if I did Larry and Ally would be living happily ever after together).  Each and all belong to their respected proprietors.

**_Spoilers:_**  Well, if you don't know who Larry is I would probably avoid this videofic.  Having said that, if you didn't know who Larry is, you probably wouldn't be reading this to begin with.  Oh well, to be on the safe side, spoiler warning for Season Four, okay?

**_Author's Note:_**  I don't normally listen to N Sync, but I heard this song on the radio and suddenly imagery of Larry and Ally came to mind.  Comments and criticism welcome.  Please be gentle though, this is my first (and quite likely last) attempt at writing fan fiction.

     A slow aerial birds' eye view of the nighttime Boston skyline [that all of us regular Ally McBeal fans are familiar with] fades onto the screen as the music begins.  Cut to a shots of office buildings, some still have their lights on, but most are empty, as people have left for the night.

Lying in your arms 

    The shot dissolves to a long shot of a couple slowly making love in the shadows.  Silhouettes of a man and woman on the bed can be made out against the wall …

So close together 

    As the camera goes in closer to show the couple kissing, the two are revealed to be none other than Larry and Ally.  They share a look, as each looks deep into each other's eyes.

Didn't know just what I had 

    So gentle...so passionate…simply heavenly…When together, nothing else seemed to matter, they were in their own little world… 

Now I toss and turn 

     Cut to Ally McBeal abruptly sitting bolt upright in bed after suddenly waking up.  It is late at night.

Cause I'm without you 

    She looks behind her to see that she alone in bed, and that Larry is not there.

How I'm missing you so bad 

    A swift look of realization strikes her as she realizes that he never was.  It was all just a dream.

Where was my head? 

    Ally reaches over to turn on her light and look at her clock.  She winces when she sees the time – 3:20am.  She turns off the light and tries to get back to sleep.

Where was my heart? 

     But instead she ends up lying awake …thinking…thinking of him…what went wrong?  Why did it happen?  So many questions left unanswered….

Now I cry alone in the dark 

    As tears fall from her eyes, sliding down her cheeks, the camera tilts upwards to the ceiling, beginning a 180-degree rotation…

_I lay awake_

_I drive myself crazy_

    …and stops as the camera reaches the rumpled sheets of another person's bed, miles away.  Another person who also finds themselves having difficulty sleeping…

_Drive myself crazy_

_Thinking of you_

     Larry is sitting on his couch in the dark, watching the rain droplets slide down the window.  His face is unshaven, his hair tousled and his eyes empty as he stares into the night.

_Made a mistake_

_When I let you go baby_

    For the millionth time, he retraces in his mind the events of their break up over six months ago.   The waiter mixing up their orders at dinner that fateful evening…

_I drive myself crazy_

_Wanting you the way that I do_

    …Ally walking in on his ex-wife playfully smearing whipped cream on his face in the ice cream shop…Ally reacting by making an ice-cream sundae out of him…All omens…

_I was such a fool_

_I couldn't see it_

_Just how good you were to me_

    Then, a phone call from Ally, saying she wanted to break up with him.  Until those ill-fated days, Larry had thought he had almost everything: a wonderful son, a successful career, and a woman who he loved so much that he was going to propose to her.

_You confessed your love_

_Undying devotion_

    The scene continues to dissolve into a montage of scenes presenting intimate moments between the two from even further in the past  — their first kiss, Ally offering to go with Larry to visit Sam at Christmas, singing at the piano, Larry explaining that he initially took things slow with Ally because he of his excitement in believing that what they had was special…

I confessed my need to be free 

    "I failed as a husband, I failed as a father, and the biggest lie would be to say that I'll never fail again."  Still sitting in the dark, almost motionless, Larry brings the palm of his left hand to his forehead, covering his eyes, as his recollected final words to Ally echo into the night.

_And now I'm left_

_With all this pain_

    Larry enters his office, having spoken to Ally for what would be the last time.  He leans his back against the door as it closes behind him.  Outside his office, the brass sign with the words 'Larry Paul - Attorney At Law' glistens under the gentle light.

I've only got myself to blame 

    He slumps to the floor, head down and knees bent, as both of his hands run through his hair in sorrow.

_I lay awake_

_I drive myself crazy_

    He sits likes this, with his head in his hands, in the dark.  The words of his ex-wife, Helena, from earlier in the day add to his feeling of sadness and despair.  "So how's life, without her so far Larry?"

_Drive myself crazy_

_Thinking of you_

     When he finally stands once again, a bittersweet decision is apparent on Larry's face.  As he closes his office door behind him, intending to walk towards Cage And Fish, a shot of an envelope addressed to Ally, can be seen in his hand.  Streaks of sunlight, indicating the daybreak, enter through the window.  

_Made a mistake_

_When I let you go baby_

    The camera zooms in on the sunlight as the shot dissolves to the present day.  Ally is walking to work, lost in her thoughts.  Underneath the makeup, it is noticeable that her eyes are red and puffy from crying last night.

I drive myself crazy 

    She looks across the road and suddenly notices a familiar looking figure in the crowd.  Despite the traffic and the honking of horns, she runs over and goes to tap him on the shoulder.

Wanting you the way that I do 

    For a second her heart skips a beat as he turns around…but only it isn't him.  Ally blinks twice trying not to let her disappointment show as she apologizes to the gentleman.

_Why didn't I know?_

_(How much I loved you baby)_

    The lift doors open as Ally slowly enters her workplace, still bewildered with her encounter with the man across the road.  She could have sworn it was Larry.  She doesn't even notice the sympathetic and concerned faces of her coworkers and friends watching her as she inattentively walks to her office.

_Why couldn't show it_

_(If I had only told you)_

    Later that day Ally walks past the ice cream shop and looks in the window.  To her surprise, she sees Larry inside kissing another woman.  She grabs a large bowl full of ice cream and chocolate sauce as she enters and rushes past the counter. 

_When I had the chance_

_Oh I had the chance_

    She decisively dumps the dessert on his head.  Everyone in the shop stops what they are doing and stares at the result of Ally's actions.  But, sure enough, Ally's satisfaction is short lived once she notices it wasn't really Larry she just poured ice cream on.  Another hallucination.

Bridge 

    The next scene shows Ally walking home alone at night, reflecting on all the hallucinations she has been having recently.  It seems everywhere she looks couples are happily holding hands and wrapped in each other's attention.

_I lay awake_

_I drive myself crazy_

    She looks at the pavement, biting her lip and slowly shaking her head as she scolds herself.  When she looks up again, all the men on the street she sees look identically like Larry.

_Drive myself crazy_

_Thinking of you_

    The look of shock that appears on her face soon changes to frustration, as she realizes the extent of her delusion.  

_Made a mistake_

_When I let you go baby_

    She quickly runs past the people on the footpath, not caring about the people she bumps into on her way home.  

_I drive myself crazy_

_Wanting you the way that I do_

    She enters her apartment and turns towards the door, firmly pushing against the handle to close it.  She leans against the wall and exhales.  

_I lay awake_

_I drive myself crazy_

_Drive myself crazy_

    Slowly, she begins banging her forehead against the door.   As the camera zooms out of her apartment window, Ally can still be seen (though smaller and smaller) knocking her head trying to convince herself everything is going to be okay.

Made a mistake 

    The scene cuts back to Larry still sitting in the dark on his couch in Detroit.  He is lost in his thoughts.  

When I let you go baby 

    The camera slowly shifts focus from his face.  It trails down past his neck…

I drive myself crazy 

    …to his chest…then across to his right arm, which is sitting on the armrest of the sofa.  In Larry's hand is a small velvet box, no bigger than a matchbox, which he is gently clasping…

Wanting you the way that I do 

    Inside is the ring, which unbeknownst to Ally, Larry was going to give to her the night that he was going to propose.  Just before the scene and music slowly fades to black, Larry suddenly clutches the box in his hand and stands up, as if he has finally made a decision about what he is going to do.   A small smile crosses his lips.


End file.
